So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
