dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
