So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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