U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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