Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
