State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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