its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
