i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
