you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
