May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
