I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
