Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
