you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She needs sedatives and a leash
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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