I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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