What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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