K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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