Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
