I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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