she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
