By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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