I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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