last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
