just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
