So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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