i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
