plz talk dirty to me
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
