? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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