He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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