I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
this will be a night to untag.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize