Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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