can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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