Can Purell be used as lube?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
