I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
