i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
