Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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