you would pick up someone in the library
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
