Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
