I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
