He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
