my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
