I haven't been this sober since birth.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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