I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
