I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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