there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How does one acquire holy water?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
