Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize