i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
