we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I made him laugh his dick is mine
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
