Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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