Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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