So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
