I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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