At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
