Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
