Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
