He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
