Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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