I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
