smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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