kristin has been a bad kristin
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
