Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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