i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
