clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
