just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
