a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
