in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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