he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
