We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
