Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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