i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
