im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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