I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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