Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
