is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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