I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
