Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
