the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
