If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ketchup is God's man juice
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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