: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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