What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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