my being single is dangerous.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
