Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
