i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize