Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
