so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
