i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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