No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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