they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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