Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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