alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
